Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
