fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
