remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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