dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
