I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
