hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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