do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
