Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
