You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
