There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
