Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.