I looked at my own cervix.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already