Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS