I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?