yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
