it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.