Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize