There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.