Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.