google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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