Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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