After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
time to smoke my breakfast
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
