There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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