I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
