This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
