then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
