this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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