yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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