dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
