I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
