He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
