So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In America we eat man semen.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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