I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
