see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
