I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
