just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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