I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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