you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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