Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
