I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
