He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
