2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
