You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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