and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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