Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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