your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
