Have you finally orgasmed yet?
420 ftw
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
