Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize