just tell him i said nine months
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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