maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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