i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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