at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
