i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
