Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your penis caused this!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
