hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
