I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
