Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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