Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
