Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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