when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
