I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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