I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
