I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
