I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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