This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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