Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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