Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
