uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
