did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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