I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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