Do you still have your period?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
