I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
