I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You ruined the universe
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
