..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i dont even know how to be here
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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