So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
