We're facebook friends in real life
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
