Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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