do herpes really smell.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
