Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
