Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
