Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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