using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You can't special order awesome
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
sarcasm needs its own font
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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