Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
