the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
