dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
