If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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